Phan Fiction- The Endless List of Fetishes
by Superbunnys325
Summary: Dan thinks his and Phil's relationship is a little too vanilla. So, Dan decides to find out what fetishes Phil has. This is me trying to fit as many fetishes in one fic as humanly possible. And I didn't even write explicit sex! Danisnotonfire/AmazingPhil
1. Chapter 1

_So, none of this is real. I am a sick pervert. This is called enjoyment. Originally wrote this on Tumblr, but I thought it's be nice to put this train wreck here too. How many fetishes can a person fit into one fic? _

Chapter 1

Phil and Dan had never really delved into the kinky side of their relationship. They were happy just the way they were. But Dan did think they could try to make their sex life a little less vanilla. He didn't think that Phil would be into handcuffs or leather whips, but Dan also had no idea what Phil might actually like. So Dan decided to look up a list of kinks and work his way down; Phil would have to, at least, enjoy one of them.

The first fetish on the list was** Acomocliticism- the fetish of a partner having hairless genitals.** Dan didn't think that that would be hard to achieve, he had never been too hairy in the first place. The next morning Dan sat in the bath with a razor and a bottle of shaving cream. Okay, actually, this was a little scarier than Dan would've thought. He's shaving his most valuable asset. What if he nicked one of his balls and it fell out? But that didn't matter, Dan was doing this for Phil.

After managing to only nick himself once on his thigh, Dan left the bathroom to find Phil lying on their bed. He would have to avoid sexual contact with his boyfriend until tonight; he wanted his smooth crotch region to be a surprise. Phil had woken soon later and the rest of the day went along as normal... they did absolutely nothing. As they were getting ready to lie down for the night, Dan took off his jeans and revealed his genitals to Phil.

Phil looked at them as if they were a hairless cat. He petted them and cooed at them.. and not in a sexual way. Fuck. Dan would have to move on to Fetish B. **Altocalciphilia- being aroused by high heels.** But he guessed he could do two in one. **Gynemimetophilia- the fetish of being aroused by a male impersonating a female.**

For the past few years Dan had dressed up as a woman numerous times, for videos only of course. Though usually he just drew fake boobs on his chest and stuffed his shirt with socks. But today he had to go all out; Dan had to go to the dreaded Walmart. It turns out that picking out woman's clothes was a little more difficult than he had originally intended. Would you want to explain to a changing room attendant why you wanted to try on a bra?

4 hours of Walmart later... Dan had picked out a pair of black, pointy high heels, a bra, cotton padding,a large supply of makeup, a knee length pink skirt, and a purple wrap thing to go around his top half. Once he got back to the flat, he snuck past Phil who was sitting on the couch with his laptop and then locked himself in the bathroom. After putting on all of his outfit, Dan didn't think he looked half bad. The heels were going to be a problem though. And so was the makeup since he had no idea what any of that shit was.

Dan had finished his makeup, he looked like a clown. Maybe he could add **Coulrophilia - being aroused by clowns**, to this set of kinks. Dan was also not conquering the high heels, he was already tall; it was even harder to walk after adding another three inches. Dan walked (stumbled) out of the bathroom and down to the den. He really hoped that Phil didn't like this one, it was really uncomfortable.

As he entered the living room, Dan called out in a high voice, "Hi, honnnneeeyyy." Phil jumped from where he was seated on the sofa. And then he started laughing and laughing and laughing.

"Dan! What the hell are you wearing? Halloween is still weeks away. Are you going to be an evil clown stripper or something?" Phil laughed some more. Dan was actually really, really glad that Phil didn't like this one.

The next fetish Dan knew that Phil would like. Or at least have fun with. **Choreophilia - the fetish of wanting to dance to achieve orgasmic release.** Time for Dan to put on his tap shoes.

That night, Phil and Dan were jamming out to some Madonna. They were jumping up and down and all around. Dan knew this would be the perfect time to execute his next fetish mission.

It didn't work out as planned. Dan had crowded himself to Phil as they jumped up and down. He had then grabbed Phil's crotch which caused a chain reaction. Phil was surprised, Phil lost his balance, Dan lost his balance, they both fell down, Phil hurt his face, and neither of them were aroused. Well, at least Dan could check another one off his list: **Algolagnia - being aroused by pain.**


	2. Chapter 2

_So many fetishes, so little time._

Chapter 2

These fetishes weren't going as planned. Maybe this list wasn't the best one to go by. Dan didn't think people actually had **Hirsutophilia - a fetish revolving around armpit hair. **But maybe Dan should pick one that is more relevant to Phil. **Podophilia - the foot fetish.** Phil liked socks, so Phil probably liked feet too.

It didn't work. Last night in bed when Dan tried to lick Phil's toes... Phil had kicked him right in the mouth. Time to move on to a less dangerous fetish.

Okay well, aren't all fetishes dangerous? **Pyrolagnia - getting aroused while watching fire.** Fire wasn't the safest fetish, but it probably floated someone's boat. Dan lit the fire place and him and Phil had sit on the couch staring at it for 2 hours. Neither of them were aroused.

Finally, Dan had found a nice fetish... or as nice as fetishes can get. **Plushophilia - the fetish of being aroused by stuffed toys.** Phil had lots of little plush animals. Maybe his little stuffed lions turned him on?

Another negative. Phil did not want his lions in bed with them.

There were many more fetishes and kinks after that. All of which either made Phil laugh or made Phil sleep on the couch.

**Oculolinctus - the fetish of licking their partner's eyeball:** You can just imagine how that one had worked out.

**Vorarephilia - Fantasies about being swallowed alive:** Dan had made a blanket fort, placed Phil in the center, jumped on top of Phil and all of the blankets, and then started to make gulping noises.

**Robotism - wanting robots involved in sex play:** He had made robot noises while they were having sex.

**Autonephioplia - the fetish of wearing diapers:** Phil had openly laughed when Dan had come into the room, wearing nothing but an adult diaper. Dan had offered one to Phil too, but he had declined.

Dan didn't know where else to turn to, the list was dwindling down.

**Agalmatophilia - being aroused to Statues/manikins:** He was resorting to fetishes that made no sense and Phil wasn't attracted to any of them.

**Chrysophilia - being attracted to gold or gold colored objects:** And even if Dan's favorite color was gold, that didn't mean it was a good fetish. Dan had dressed himself in all plastic, gold jewelry that he had gotten at the dollar store. Phil had been the wrong a-word. Amused not aroused.

**Forniphilia - turning a human being into a piece of furniture: **Dan had told Phil that he was a chair and that Phil had to sit on him.

By this point, Dan was almost entirely out of ideas. Phil hadn't reacted positively to any of the many fetishes. So Dan had come to the conclusion, he should just ask Phil what his fetishes are.

He came to find Phil, yet again, sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Phil, what are your fetishes? Your kinks?"

Phil looked at him and sat there silently for a moment. Then Phil started to laugh again. He started to laugh harder than he had in the past two weeks of Dan's fetish mission.

"You're my fetish, Dan. Your personality, your eyes, your smile. You're all I need."

Later that night when Dan had promised to stop trying to find different kinks and both had set off to bed, Dan looked at the last kink on his list before deleting the file.

**Zwischenstufe - being attracted to a person of the same sex.**

Yup, he and Phil were both really gay. That was their only fetish from that list. But... Dan had never actually tried out bondage.


End file.
